Beware: it's The Accused

BEWARE! The Accused are a band that isn't for everyone. Hell, they probably are a band that only a few would like. They are occasionally juvenile, often offensive, and are pretty far-removed from anything that you consider "hard."

But I f**king loved their sh*t. My friend Rob had the vinyl 12" "Martha Splatterhead's Maddest Stories Ever Told"from 1988, and I just freaked out over their dirty punk-metal sound, and the ridiculously chaotic, screaming-ass, psycho vocalist by the name of Blaine Fart.

Got an idea yet? Well listen, if you don't already know who they are, you probably won't like 'em. Let's just say I warned ya.

The story on the band is this: The Accused were formed in 1981 in Oak Harbor, Washington by bassist Chibon Batterman, guitarist Tom Niemeyer, and vocalist John Dahlin. When Dahlin left, he was replaced by Blaine "Fart" Cook (frontman of Seattle hardcore group The Fartz) in 1985, and the band progressed towards a more metal sound over their first few albums. The band dubbed their unique style - distinguished by Blaine's unusual vocals (which sound as if he's being choked), buzzsaw guitars, dark metallic riffs, and rapid-fire drumming - as "Splatter Rock". The Accused were wickedly savage, yet had a sick sense of humor about the horrors they were screaming about, and the music was sick-as-f**k full-throttle hard-core thrash with a punk edge. Fun fun fun!


The first song I'm posting is the 1st track from 88's "Martha Splatterhead's Maddest Stories Ever Told". It's called "Psychomania", and it lets you know that you're in for a crazy ride.

The Accused - Psychomania

See? Again, I warned you!



Then in 1990, The Accused came out with even a more BRUTAL release, "Grinning Like an Undertaker". Now on board was powerhouse drummer Josh Sinder, and the band took even more of a metal direction. This is definitely my favorite Accused album. Each song not only has killer musicianship and Blaine's usual gurgling vocals, but there are some great hooks here that make me come back again and again. If you drive past my house, and you can hear some crazy ass sh*t cranked up really LOUD -- it's probably this CD. (Note: there is a really bad funk-metal song on here that actually features a rapper, and Blaine's vocals on it are just horrible).

The song I'm posting from this album is track 8, "M is for Martha." It's crazy fast, and the drummer is just tearing it up.

The Accused - M is for Martha

Rock & Roll Juggernaut

Earlier on this blog I re-posted someone else's post on the Dayglo Abortions, an obscene punk-metal band that I was into back in high-school.

Well, back in those days, there were many juvenile, non-politically correct, offensive punk bands for kids like me to crank up and piss people off: the Angry Samoans, Fear, the Dead Kennedys, the Sex Pistols, GWAR, the Mentors, Dayglo Abortions, and... the Meatmen.

Obnoxious, crude, offensive, blasphemous, tiresome and funny — the Meatmen were one band you'd never be able to explain to your parents (or even the vast majority of your peers). The rude punk parodists from Michigan heard on the infamous Blood Sausage and Crippled Children Suck 7-inches stomped on the sensitive issues of society with a coarseness that makes dead baby jokes seem like church fare.

We're the Meatmen...and You Suck! was my first introduction to singer Tesco Vee's depravity: "One Down Three to Go," about the Beatles, homophobia ("Tooling for Anus"), misogyny ("I'm Glad I'm Not a Girl") and racism ("Blow Me Jah").

Then Tesco relocated to D.C., grabbed some guys from Minor Threat, and started making fun of the cock-rock so big in the 80's, which leads me to the songs I'm posting today.

Rock & Roll Juggernaut came out in 1986. I was a sophomore in high school. Which makes complete sense as to why I loved this cassette -- it was completely sophomoric. Tesco's lyrics were about drugs, alcohol, women as sex objects, sodomy, bondage, racism, big trucks, and blind patriotism. I mean, this should have been the theme music for dumb jocks and meatheads in high schools across America!

Well, we ate it up. It was party music. We quoted lyrics to each other. We wore Meatmen t-shirts (not to school! Oh no! You couldn't get away with that shit then!)

So, here's a couple tracks. No doubt that my sense of nostalgia outweighs the social relevance of this band, but who gives a shit? Tesco got the joke. We did too.

The Meatmen - True Grit

The Meatmen - Come on Over to Mah Crib